yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
