just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
