Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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