You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
