That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
