my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
