If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
