Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
