i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
