No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
