Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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