i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
