i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
