She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
