its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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