Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
