Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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