i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
