why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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