Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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