I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
