He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
