im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
