Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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