let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
