Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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