i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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