He passed out mid-signature
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
