My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
