No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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