that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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