mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
