There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
