Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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