that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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