Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
