He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
