Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
