I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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