if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
4 words: hood of his car
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
