One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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