I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
