i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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