i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
