the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
