i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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