this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
