he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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