so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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