You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
