Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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