I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
